A reader writes:
Within the context of speaking about intercourse positivity in a few of the advising we do, it got here out that my coworker and I am going to the identical intercourse membership. She has not been since pre-Covid however is planning to return quickly together with her companion. I in the meantime go virtually each weekend. We’re undoubtedly going to run into one another in some unspecified time in the future.
Our work could be very shut. We share an workplace and are a two-person division.
We agreed that we’ll most likely see very totally different sides of one another than our work selves and we are going to follow selective amnesia when it occurs. (Clearly we received’t work together with one another there outdoors of a nodding acknowledgement.)
I don’t actually have a query I assume. I simply thought, I’m wondering if that is one Alison has handled earlier than.
Sure, due to an invite from Dan Savage to weigh in on a comparable query (warning: not secure for work), though in that case the question-asker managed the worker he had encountered at an area intercourse membership — and that distinction actually issues. As a supervisor, you actually, actually can’t put your self right into a sexual state of affairs with an worker … which in that particular person’s case meant he wanted to cease attending.
In your case, you don’t have these energy dynamics so that you don’t have the identical strict crucial to cease attending when you’re each snug persevering with.
Nevertheless, issues I’d take into consideration:
• Do you utterly belief your coworker to not share something she learns about you at these occasions with others at work, even by accident? If she slips up and does reveal one thing, how will you are feeling about that? Will there be any skilled repercussions for you? (I do know you may really feel there’s a kind of mutually-assured destruction dynamic in impact — in that she will be able to’t gossip about you with out revealing issues about herself — nevertheless it doesn’t all the time play out that approach.)
• In the event you answered “yes, I completely trust her,” you continue to want to consider what may change down the street. What if in case you have a falling-out at work and the connection modifications? How about after you’re now not working collectively?
• While you’re friends at present, is there any probability one in every of you possibly can find yourself ready of energy over the opposite sooner or later? If that occurs, would you would like you had made a distinct selection now? (Compulsory reminder that at that time, one in every of you would certainly have to cease attending.)
• Is it doable you’ll see one thing at these occasions that may make it more durable so that you can work together together with her professionally at work? (I’m avoiding itemizing out particular potentialities right here, and it’ll depend upon how out-there these occasions get, however there are actually issues one can’t unsee that one may later want to unsee.) How about vice versa?
To be clear, these are all real questions, not ones I feel you’ll want to reply a sure approach. You may think about all of this and determine you’re advantageous with the danger, by which case go forth and revel in your mutual selective amnesia. Simply ensure you’ve completely thought by means of all of the potential downsides first.